Day 356: (started Monday finished Tues. morning)
I've touched on this before, but I'm sure Mary's life was NOT what she expected. She had other plans, other dreams. Don't get me wrong her life was BETTER than she would have or could have EVER imagined. It just wasn't what she planned.
I'm there today. I really am. Here I am in this house with my FIVE kids (I wanted 2 or 4). I am a stay at home mom and I have a degree in Music Education. I thought I would be an elementary music teacher. We live in my Papa's house. I thought we would own our own home with a nice, tailored yard. I quite frankly feel as if I'm wasting away today..that the last decade has been wasted. A shell of myself sits in this house wishing things were different. Sad, but TRUE!!!
How I wish that today I could pray the prayer that Mary did as found in Luke 1:46-55 "And Mary said, "My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant...for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name, And his mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation. He has shown strength with his arm; he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts; he has brought down the mighty from their thrones, and exalted those of humble estate; he has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy, as he spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his offspring forever." My heart is wishing for peace. Today Christmas seems far away and Emmanuel seems as if His arrival was for everyone, but me.
God please change my heart. Please change my plans. Break my heart and make it more like yours. Forgive me for my pride and mistrust. I love you and WANT to change. Keep me close to you today.
Wondering,
Janelle
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